The Approbation Tango

There are a few people in my life, particularly my
mother, whose opinion far exceeds any others. I’m by no means approval
dependent but her perspective on certain matters, especially matters of the
heart — most often than not — reinforces mine. This not only gives me a sense of
comfort but more confidence to persevere.

While the need for approval is akin to human behavior,
I’ve seen it transform from something as harmless as a confidence booster to
something that is disturbingly unhealthy. Like any other drug, the stimulating affects
one receives from seeking approval creates an urgent need for more, stroking, for
a lack of a better word. A need, if not controlled has the ability to grow into
full blown addiction.

I consider myself quite an independent spirit but that
wasn’t always the case. During my adolescent years, I sought approval from the
individuals I most admired as well as some unworthy few, like any child would. But
as maturity sunk in and my personal beliefs reached an unalterable plateau, I
took back the control I so willingly gave to others. The turning point for me
was realizing that no matter what I did or how I behaved, there would most
likely be those who approved of my choices as well as an equal amount who did
not — which begs the question — why bother?

Many have fallen prey to the strings of dependency
simply because it’s an easy web to become entangled in. There are so many
people out there willing to come to our rescue that it makes it that much
easier to fall into their clutches, especially when the concern that need to be dealt with 
is of the life changing variety. But total dependency is a sinuous road that
will eventually lead to resentment. Not all advice is helpful advice, most of
the time the people you seek advice from is unable to fully comprehend your situation
because, here’s the shocker, they are also dealing with their own issues. So
for someone who lives their life hanging on someone else’s every word, the
wrong advice can be detrimental. Interestingly enough, most approval seekers do not blame
themselves when something goes awry, they blame the advice giver.

To always rely on another’s approval is to deprive
yourself of the beautiful and sometimes heart-wrenching process that is self-
growth. There is no feeling more satisfying than living life on your own terms.