Miss Curmudgeon

We all know or have at least encountered someone who
is always in a perpetual bad mood. This sourpuss
behavior is even less attractive when it’s coming from a young woman. I had dinner with an old friend the other day
and to my absolute dismay, guess who decided to pounce along? Miss cantankerous
herself, along with her bosom buddies sarcasm, difficulty and argumentative.

I met this young woman, who will remain nameless, at
a gathering a few years ago and I left that evening groggy from the blows
of her terrible attitude. I had never been so offended by someone and I wasn’t
even the target of her ill-temper at the time. Unfortunately, that wasn’t my last encounter with
this woman. I thought people like that only existed in
sitcoms because surely someone would have to imagine such a person to life.

She isn’t just a pessimist, no that’s too light of a
word for her. She behaves like she’s seen it all before and we, the people she continuously
stomp upon are what’s wrong with the world. And there’s no debate about that,
oh no. Because that’s just how it is and she, the pillar of all things
righteous, has accepted that fact. Don’t you just want to hurl? For someone that righteous, she must have a statue of herself somewhere. I want to find
that statue just to (fill in the blank) all over it. Guess that wasn’t too ladylike,
oh well.

Anyway, let’s
fast forward to the dinner table. My
friend Reginald walked in before her and in retrospect, I guess it was a
warning of her arrival because he did this eye squinting thing as he approached
me, a look I can only describe as a pre-apology. She sashayed over to the table with an unnecessary
flair, declaring her own special brand of self importance. I actually gave myself a little pep talk
during her little show, “don’t judge her for her past behavior” I said, “maybe she’s
changed since the last time you saw her.”

When she sat down, she greeted me and
actually apologized for crashing our dinner, I told her it was alright and was
hopeful for a nice, calm and drama free evening.

Reggie, bless his soul, made a couple of jokes to
try to lighten the mood a bit because after her surprisingly nice greeting, the
only thing that flowed between us was the water being poured into our individual glasses
by the waitress. But things would not
remain so mum.

After the waitress took our order, miss righteous
indicated that I was the reason for the world’s problems. No, she more than
indicated, this is her exact quote “You know, people like you is what’s wrong
with the world.” Remember that scene from the exorcist, when the young woman’s neck
did that 180 degree turn? I’m pretty sure if I was capable, that’s what I would
have done. And what you may ask did I do
to deserve such a monumental diss?  I ordered
a salad. Yes I said it.

Apparently, I’m the reason young girls far and wide are
purging everything they eat. She went on
and on about watching some stupid show on MTV. I didn’t quite understand the connection
with MTV and eating disorders and chocked it up to her being insane. 

Reggie looked around to see if anyone had
heard her insensitive comment, I figured it was so blatant and out of place, he
assumed she announced it to the entire restaurant. Then he looked my way as if pleading
with me not to make a scene because he knows I have zero tolerance for rudeness.
With anger oozing out of my pores, I simply stood up from the table
and marched out of the restaurant because I was more than ready and willing to spew a couple of not
so well meaning adjectives her unmerry way.

Reggie called that night, he was so apologetic that It
made it difficult for me to remain upset at him for bringing her along to what
was supposed to be a nice dinner between two friends.
I simply told him next time we have dinner to remember that only human beings
are allowed in restaurants.