Why don’t I hate the Twilight movies? They are just brimming
with reasons for me to detest them. First and foremost, I read the Twilight
series and Stephanie Meyers writes like a scatterbrained twelve year old with a
serious grammatical disorder. Then there’s Bella Swan, I just want to beat her
down a majority of the time because she’s so weak, useless, vapid and not to mention nauseatingly
whinny. Her unhealthy obsession with Edward Cullen leaves her little time for
much else. She has no real friends other than Jacob black, whom she has placed
in the friend zone and tortures at every turn, no future aspirations, unless it involves
gazing into Edward’s soulless stare till the depths of forever. Have you ever wondered why Edward cannot
read Bella’s mind? It’s because it’s vacant of any thought other than his bedroom eyes,
his boyish visage and skinny bod.
with reasons for me to detest them. First and foremost, I read the Twilight
series and Stephanie Meyers writes like a scatterbrained twelve year old with a
serious grammatical disorder. Then there’s Bella Swan, I just want to beat her
down a majority of the time because she’s so weak, useless, vapid and not to mention nauseatingly
whinny. Her unhealthy obsession with Edward Cullen leaves her little time for
much else. She has no real friends other than Jacob black, whom she has placed
in the friend zone and tortures at every turn, no future aspirations, unless it involves
gazing into Edward’s soulless stare till the depths of forever. Have you ever wondered why Edward cannot
read Bella’s mind? It’s because it’s vacant of any thought other than his bedroom eyes,
his boyish visage and skinny bod.
Let’s talk about Edward shall we? what’s with the pained expression that’s always painted on his icy puss? We get it, you’re a tortured soul. Did I mention he
sparkles in the sunlight? Meyers portrayal of the vampire species is so blatantly
unrealistic, not once has she ever mentioned anything about their fangs. In
addition, we only receive bits and pieces about their struggle with blood
lust. That is, if you can call it that because the Cullen clan are vegetarians. Yes you
heard me! they only feed on the blood of animals.
sparkles in the sunlight? Meyers portrayal of the vampire species is so blatantly
unrealistic, not once has she ever mentioned anything about their fangs. In
addition, we only receive bits and pieces about their struggle with blood
lust. That is, if you can call it that because the Cullen clan are vegetarians. Yes you
heard me! they only feed on the blood of animals.
The only character who somewhat
behaves like a vampire is Jasper. In a shocking turn of events, shocking by Twilight’s standards anyway, he tried to
drain Bella of her precious life force. Something she has been waiting for with bated breath because, wait for it…she wants to be with Edward till the forever of evers. Unfortunately, Edward and the rest of his vegan clan stopped the attack, forcing me to watch Bella whine some more about being a pathetic human. It’s a shame that Jasper’s character storyline is so underdeveloped, I bet after the almost attack on Bella’s life, he locked himself up in his room and cried for days. At times we catch glimpses
of Alex’s tame blood lust but all it takes to calm her vampire urges is a trip
to the next room.
behaves like a vampire is Jasper. In a shocking turn of events, shocking by Twilight’s standards anyway, he tried to
drain Bella of her precious life force. Something she has been waiting for with bated breath because, wait for it…she wants to be with Edward till the forever of evers. Unfortunately, Edward and the rest of his vegan clan stopped the attack, forcing me to watch Bella whine some more about being a pathetic human. It’s a shame that Jasper’s character storyline is so underdeveloped, I bet after the almost attack on Bella’s life, he locked himself up in his room and cried for days. At times we catch glimpses
of Alex’s tame blood lust but all it takes to calm her vampire urges is a trip
to the next room.
Let’s get back to Edward and his goody two shoes
ways, his downright girlish qualities really. He refuses to touch Bella, which
would be honorable if he wasn’t supposed to be a big bad vampire. I nearly died
laughing when Bella said he made her feel like she was “a villain out to steal
his virtue.” Edward hasn’t been with a woman for over a century, stop being such
a gentleman and give in! You’re a vampire, no impulse control is required. We won’t
think ill of you if you do the deed for crying out loud. Sometimes, I wish he would bite down hard on Bella’s neck and
drain her of the human life she’s so desperate to abandon just to stop her
incessant whining.
ways, his downright girlish qualities really. He refuses to touch Bella, which
would be honorable if he wasn’t supposed to be a big bad vampire. I nearly died
laughing when Bella said he made her feel like she was “a villain out to steal
his virtue.” Edward hasn’t been with a woman for over a century, stop being such
a gentleman and give in! You’re a vampire, no impulse control is required. We won’t
think ill of you if you do the deed for crying out loud. Sometimes, I wish he would bite down hard on Bella’s neck and
drain her of the human life she’s so desperate to abandon just to stop her
incessant whining.
Oh, did I mention Edward used to sneak up to Bella’s room and watch her while she slept the first time they met? creepy much? Speaking of creepy
how about Jacob’s eternal bond (imprinting) with Bella’s soon to be born
daughter Renesmee (yikes). Renesmee, what kind of a stupid name is that?
how about Jacob’s eternal bond (imprinting) with Bella’s soon to be born
daughter Renesmee (yikes). Renesmee, what kind of a stupid name is that?
Despite all of the things that absolutely annoy me about the Twilight books and movies, I still want to go
see it in theaters when it comes out this week. The films rank a ten on the cheesy scale and the acting leaves something to be desired but I dare say, I ‘m even giddy about seeing what I read in the books translated to the big screen (in spite of the bad writing). The only explanation I can leave you with is I’m a sucker for seeing
love everlasting, even if it is fictional. I guess that’s what guilty pleasures are all about.
see it in theaters when it comes out this week. The films rank a ten on the cheesy scale and the acting leaves something to be desired but I dare say, I ‘m even giddy about seeing what I read in the books translated to the big screen (in spite of the bad writing). The only explanation I can leave you with is I’m a sucker for seeing
love everlasting, even if it is fictional. I guess that’s what guilty pleasures are all about.
Anyway my darlings, check out some Twilight pictures below. I must say, they are tantalizing.
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